Dad was abandoned by his birth mother Eva and her family and thrown in an orphanage in Christchurch. I don't know which one nor how long he lived there but he did run away three times so it must have been a few years. Some time after that he was fostered by an old lady ancient enough to be his grandmother. There was no man in the house, just women who smoked like trains, drank and had unprotected sex so it wasn't a great environment to grow up in.
Whenever I had to visit that house with my parents I felt very uncomfortable there amongst the nicotine fumes, was bitten by their dog and the only redeeming thing was if you waited in silence long enough there might be some chocolate finger biscuits for afternoon tea.
Dad did, however, appreciate the fact he had been adopted and showed he had talents in painting and playing music - in particular the button accordion and the harmonica and was in Skippers Harmonica Band touring NZ for several years.
Dad left school at the age of 12 so his education was very basic. He did his best to be a self-made man. Dad took up a jewellery apprenticeship for six years. Not long after he got a full manufacturing jeweller position he was made redundant and survived installing Wormald Fire alarms. Eventually he got another jewellery position and there was no looking back. He was creative and super talented at solving technical problems. One day he said a gang member had come up the stairs to his workshop on High Street wanting a piston pendant. Dad made one out of silver completely by hand and the piston even moved.
Another time he brought home a broach he had been working on and for which he received an award certificate. It was to become a gift from NZ to Queen Elizabeth II. It was made of high quality greenstone set in silver, shaped for the bays of Banks Peninsula and featured roses (for English Royalty) and ferns for NZ. It was exquisite. We stood around in the kitchen admiring his workmanship. I suppose it must be in a vault in Buckingham Palace somewhere serving no useful purpose. He was modestly proud of what he had done.
He forbade me from ever looking for his mother when I tried to enquire about my grandmother. He was deeply upset about his abandonment and had little respect for women. He had little interest in me, being a girl.
Decades later, after dad had died, I had to supply NZ documentation for my father's birth certificate in order to gain my French citizenship. As a result I discovered the name of his mother but no father was noted. I had no other information on my Dad's side of my family. But then BINGO! DNA testing.
It all confirmed my French, English, Irish, Scottish and Viking roots but the thrulines and centimorgans revealed my father's father. And the detective work of myself and others revealed some sordid underbellies. It's fascinating. Bad types in my ancestry don't phase me since I've had to deal with bad sorts my whole life. I know I've got NZ's first double-homicide murderer who was hanged in Wellington and was also a thief and bigamist as a direct ancestor. So what? It's colourful and it's life.
My father's father Joseph (see photo left) was a scoundrel. He liked to get young women pregnant and then abandon them. In my grandmother Eva's case they had announced their engagement so she probably thought it was OK to have unprotected (as it mostly was back in the 1920s) sex because she was getting married. Alas, she got pregnant and 9 months and two weeks after their engagement announcement he had married someone else.
I had started with compassion for my grandmother but not any more. Joseph fathered at least five illegitimate children to different mothers in the interim. Sadly of all the illegitimate boys and girls he fathered, my Dad's mother was the only mother who abandoned her child. All the other mothers and their families found ways to keep the children and give them a proper home with at least one biological parent.
Her parents and siblings knew. In those days it was common for an illegitimate child to be raised as one of the siblings in the family. They couldn't be bothered though it was a fairly large family. She never told her future husband so she made no effort to take back her son and she never told her daughter. I might have forgiven that but for what happened recently to me.
I found a cousin on Ancestry and contacted him and he said he would be very happy to link family trees and to meet up with me as soon as he got back from a trip to Paris. He provided me with the name and phone number of one of Eva's still-surviving children So I gathered up my courage and contacted her. She was surprised that she had a new niece but was convinced I was genuine so she invited me to her flat for afternoon tea. She gave me hugs and we spent a few hours chatting and comparing notes. Then she invited me to join her for her forthcoming birthday. She said she was telling everyone about about the pretty new niece who had come into her life. I felt somewhat wanted and arranged a birthday present and special card for her.
A meeting between my half-Aunt and two of her nephews was hastily arranged. One of these cousins to me is a wealthy businessman well known in Christchurch and his brother is a lawyer based in Australia. It was a friendly meeting of the four of us but the first thing out of the lawyer's mouth was "So what's your motivation for contacting us?" Oh, that felt very harsh and lawyer-like and almost accusatory. I tried to ignore that but was eventually under pressure to supply all the stuff I had on their family and on my Dad including all my personal stuff when a USB was shoved under my nose. I would rather have had the opportunity to pick and choose. A photo of the four of us was taken and we all agreed the resemblances were remarkable.
The businessman promised to send the photo and info. He never did. Several days later the lawyer sent a few pdfs and a poor quality photo of Dad's mother. That's all I got for all I gave. They have no interest in seeing me again, that's clear. My aunty cancelled the lunch we were to have. She said she couldn't cope with the news and wanted to sever all ties. I was immensely hurt. Cowardice is inter-generational or is there something legal they are trying to hide? She was given an opportunity to have someone in her life who might have added caring and interest. She gave the impression she was delighted to find me but chose to abandon me. Her birthday card had to be binned. I'd rather she and her family had said no right from the start.
Not one to give up completely, I have constructed more of Joseph's own family tree and have been in touch with a granddaughter, thanks to DNA testing, of one of the other women he got pregnant. We've met and exchanged info, and, unlike the other lot she has included my Dad now on her family tree. Maybe we will meet again but these family meetings usually don't go far. Not having much family all my life I had hoped for some emotional connection but the folks I really needed to talk to now are all dead.
So don't wait, get onto it. See what you can find. Maybe your appearance will be treated more kindly than mine.
Photos show: A cottage in Sumner with Dad's viking ancestors, Dad's workshops and final business card, Dad's father Joseph, Dad as a young man in two photos and then with my daughter aged less than a year. I feel too intimidated to put a picture of his mother here.
As a note: it is illegal in France to have DNA testing done so this is greatly hampering my family research. I think I've done as much as I can now. Spit into a tube, post it to Ireland, wait until it seems like forever and get your results. Ethnicity is not very accurate in Europe as there were so many migrations but gives an indication. The concentrations of DNA with others who have tested is very useful.
https://www.genealogyexplained.com/dna-testing/best-dna-test/
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