The year's ending on a sour note

I'm feeling sorry for myself. I've just returned from getting a second opinion from a French doctor on what to do about all the shoulder and arm pain I've been experiencing for 4 months. It started in the left shoulder (prone to bouts of frozen shoulder), moved around the top of my back to then include my left shoulder which is normally fine.

 My newish doctor in Epernon said I had to rest it and take anti-inflammatories. After several visits and nothing working I was told to stop playing the violin for 3 weeks. Very unhappy with that, I followed instructions but nothing improved so tonight I went to the village of Coulombs to see my violin teacher's doctor.




I have to give up the violin for now, keep on with anti-inflammatories, have echo and Xrays of both shoulders (at last some action there) and get some physio (first time in France). I must get this resolved but in the meantime I'm upset. I'm upset because I've really put in a big effort to claw back my playing ability and everyone has been so encouraging; my teacher and the Epernon orchestra conductor. In fact, I'd been given the Largo from Winter in Vivaldi's Four Seasons to practice so I could play a solo with the orchestra and there's an audition coming up in February for an orchestra. I've invested money in all this too.





It's all gone now. This comes hard on the heels of having to give up my jazz dancing because of pain. So I'm feeling bereft. I had so many interests in NZ. Many of them aren't possible here (gardening, bellydance, even the cinema is pretty difficult to do in English here). I have no pets (difficult in an apartment and foolish when I don't know how long I can stay here). The interests that were an important part of my life seem to have been ripped away by circumstances and I don't accept things like that easily. What can I find to replace them? I don't want to spend all my life on a computer- I need to move, get out, meet people, do things that make me happy. Alas, they seem to be in the past. Working on my book is still sitting on my bum at the computer- it's not enough to keep me interested. Tap dancing's no good - it doesn't interest me and it's no good with my old feet.

Good grief, how does one reconcile oneself with aging, accidents, loss of what helps make life worthwhile? Nothing's happening in a hurry because it's Christmas holidays so my rehabilitation is likely to take months. So here I am writing about my disappointment and frustration and helplessness. Yes it could be worse, but having given up a lot to be here in France I'm not keen on giving up still more. Note to self: find some other creative outlets somewhere, somehow in case this situation becomes permanent.

I'm not looking forward to explaining the situation to my lovely violin teacher, she's been so positive and looking for ways to help me progress. We played a duet together last week which really spoke to my soul. It was such fun hearing the harmonies and yesterday I practiced to the point where I think I've got the basics sorted... sigh!

The year's ending on a sour note (yes, pun intended). What on earth is ahead for 2013? I don't do New Year resolutions but I'm often thinking about what I can do differently, better. For 2013 I'd like my work situation to improve, to have my contract renewed, keep my apartment and resolve my health issues, and have my book published. OK, better keep working on that.