Coronavirus marks end of an era

There I was, thinking like an optimist (it doesn't come easy) in thinking 2020 was shaping up to be a better year. After more than 10 years of struggle and disappointment I was looking forward to finally turning 65. That magic number that would mean I would no longer be considered a useless dole bludger by a large sector of NZ society. And I would be entitled, after 50 years of paying taxes in NZ, to something a little better than the poverty income I am currently on. End of an era and the start of something new. A metamorphosis for me.

With such an important birthday coming up I decided to invite some friends to share it with me and I've been doing quite a bit of prep for that. In addition, to try to ensure I can pay my future rates and insurances I have been preparing to launch a little self-employed business for when the big 65 hits. I took out advertising I could scarcely afford.

Within days the Covid 19 situation really kicked in. Goodbye little business, goodbye milestone party and goodbye seeing my daughter Laura. We've all been looking forward to things this year and now, in most cases, they are not going to happen. We don't know what will occur but it is certain life will never be quite as it was a couple of weeks ago. Global effects ensure the entire world will never function as it did last year. Yet, here we are, living through it.

Some folks will lose their jobs and will never get another one. Some will lose partners through poor circumstances and stress. Some will lose all possibility of every having their own home. The reality is, it's truly frightening. We have little control over the main events.

It's times like this we need to find some way to exert a bit of control over our day to day lives. Really concrete control. For me it is harvesting fruit and veges from my garden. Sure, gardening is hard work but it's working to better my situation. My reward is organic produce no one else has touched, no eco footprint for it. Quiches, tarts, fritters, soups are all being prepared and popped into my little fridge freezer. Though they won't last long they certainly insulate me from supermarket price rip-offs and provide a sense of accomplishment.

Develop some skills while in lockdown. I've resurrected my mending skills, I'll be doing a spot of painting (not the artistic sort). I've gone back to practising music in a modest way. Every second day I bring a few perfumed roses into the house, along with sweet peas, to add the sense of smell to my enjoyment of each day. We are forced to live in the now. What is tomorrow? More lockdown, and it could last a while. I do miss having someone I care about inside my lonely bubble. I was lonely before but it's worse now. At least I can learn to chill out more. There are no arguments at my house. My sleep pattern is totally disrupted. I want to sleep during the day and can't sleep at night.

I have a list of things to do but I don't beat myself up if I am not as driven as I once was. Longterm unemployment has totally disrupted my past frenetic pace. I wasn't looking to retire but right now it is being forced on me. I am being obliged to slow down, put my habitual thought patterns on new tracks where possible, change expectations and just appreciate recent contacts, hoping to re-establish them later or at least maintain them at a modest level. 

Most of us will be able to look back and say "I remember the great pandemic of 2020"; we'll have plenty of anecdotes to share. It's OUR war story. I hope the world can ease off the other sort of wars to fight this new common enemy. Will this encourage nationalistic fervour? Will we start to live more sustainably? Will we take more personal responsibility for your daily lives?

Later next month I will become cushioned from the worst effects, I hope, but I know what forced massive change is like. Unless we are well-off, we are going to struggle and there will be a lot of anxiety and depression kicking in.

Not wishing to be morbid, practical rather, I have circulated contact details to those nearest and dearest in case anything happens to either Laura, JC or me. It's important that folks know if someone gets stricken or dies. No-one should be left wondering why they no longer hear from those special people. Your nearest need to know your last wishes in case there are no funerals or burials or gatherings of any kind. 

I am fortunate to have developed good reciprocal relationships with my immediate neighbours. We know we can count on each other if shit hits the fan. One set of neighbours left a plate of roast meat and vegetables on my doorstep just before the lockdown started.

Those sorts of kindnesses are part of our social glue. We really need that glue now to stick together a new way of living and thinking. Out with the old, in with the new. We don't get to deal the cards but we do decide how we play them. 

Maybe we can be like the monarch caterpillars - turn from greedy consumers to something new and beautiful via a complicated and dangerous coronavirus process. We truly are all in this together as we navigate our way through daily adventures.