The most important birthday of my life

Today I turn 65 years of age. It's a milestone in many ways, yet, here I am, alone in a 'bubble' at home. Well I didn't see that coming, none of us did. How to celebrate? By being silly, of course. Today I was a winged unicorn rather than an old-age pensioner. A year ago Jean-Claude had sent me a unicorn onesie (this sort of humour is quite out of character for him). I thought today might be the right day to don it, for a laugh. Sorry, the tail is not visible.

Hoolie on hold
I had organised an interactive party to celebrate this most important birthday of my life. Alas, Covid 19 has ruined all that for the moment. I am hoping all those who expressed an interest in paricipating will come once we are all clearer what we can do socially and what domestic travel we can make.

Still breathing
How is it that this is the most significant birthday in my lifetime? It has great meaning for me. Firstly, I am very happy and relieved I have actually made it this far, not everyone does. I've weathered quite a few vicissitudes over the birthdays of the past but am happy that my efforts to stay healthy and active have succeeded so far.

Respectable at last
It is also the date where benefit bashers can now take a flying 'blip' because I am graduating from being a bludger to a respectable citizen. Weird the difference a day makes. Financially this takes a wee bit of stress off me though the superannuation for a single person living alone here is not enough to pay all the bills. I had plans to do something about that once I hit the big 65 but Covid has wrecked those ideas too, for now.

Things have been mightily tough since I had to leave France. With the exception of two very short contracts, I have been unemployed for two and a half years, and not all that was on a benefit. I tried to eek out an existence without Jobseeker but it's impossible to do that beyond a handful of months. Having gained international experience seemed to turn people hiring, off me.  Experience, qualifications and great work ethics counted for nothing. No one thought I was worth hiring, no one would give me a chance. Now I don't have to care about that.

Ease up on the accelerator
There are quite a few experienced folks like me who could run rings around younger employees and their managers but we are deliberately passed over. Consequently I have been trying to wean myself off my 'driven' behaviours of the past when I gave my all to employers who, with two exceptions, never appreciated it.  It takes a while to learn how to slow down when you had not intended to 'retire'.

The sadder side
It's a shame my mother can't experience the day with me. She doesn't even know who I am. She doesn't know she has a daughter who made it to 65. She's a dementia patient locked down in a rest home in Christchurch and I can't know if she will survive this Covid thing. She's 90 so if she can get to that age maybe I can too (but without the dementia and strokes).

One of the most important significances of this day relates to my dream for a life in France. Many of you know I never wanted to come back to New Zealand. I had sacrificed everything to create a life in France under, again, very difficult circumstances. Though, financially it would have been a struggle in old age I could have sold my Auckland house and built a new home in France, independent from Jean-Claude, with a wee bit of money left over for retirement. I had looked at a plot of land just along the road from him but, as he reminded me, although I had earned the right to be in France permanently, I would not have any liveable retirement in those circumstances because NZ doesn't play fair.

NZ Superann rules
New Zealand forces expats like me to destroy all that is important in their lives in order to APPLY for superannuation. You are not allowed to apply from a foreign country. I have discovered many traps for the unwary in my superann application. One of those is the requirement to supply a copy of a utilities bill that is at least TWO years old - proving you are seriously living in NZ. Woah! Many folks wouldn't know about that. I hadn't, so I guess coming back here when I did was a smart decision, rather than leaving it any longer.

I have been paying tax all my life, since I was 15, even when I was in France, so I DO feel entitled to a retirement. Letting folks apply from overseas would be a more intelligent move since expats are not using any facilities like healthcare, roads etc. But no, this draconian and, to my mind, cruel requirement which is not present in many other systems overseas, forced me to lose all the money I had struggled for in France to move back here to the Ends of the Earth, cost me my relationship with JC, and cost me my dream. Am I pissed off? Of course, but I am doing the best I can to get on with things. I have no idea what is ahead.

Celebrating me
Today it's a recognition of how I have 'saved myself' yet again though it has been with pain. It's a recognition that I have had good luck to live this long, that I am connecting with new folks and reconnecting with previous contacts now I am back in NZ. It's a celebration of the fact that through forced circumstances I am probably being obliged to find a new way of living and adapt, once again.

I'm happy to be 65. I can quietly celebrate a life that has been anything but ordinary. I can put aside many of the past struggles and decide on a few things for myself each day. I have received lovely messages from my daughter Laura, as well as other kind well-wishers. I guess I still matter to some, after all these years and adventures. Thank you all for being part of my precious 65 years of life.

Now, where to from here?


Photos show my first birthday photo, one aged six, one aged 21 with Eriks at the Chateau Commodore as it was then, my 50th birthday party, turning 60 in France with JC, and today.