OHS-Leaving the old life for the new

 

 Being in a queue for open heart surgery requires emotional adjustments. It has been a long and challenging road from speaking to a heart surgeon in October, through months of no date for surgery, to a then cancelled date. Now I'm hoping it is finally going to happen.

Don't get me wrong, I am in no hurry to have my chest and ribs cracked open and all that goes with that. I like the way my chest looks and feels but I know that this current life is very finite. I feel the mortality growing each day as I become more breathless, lose more muscle mass and become more and more sedentary with lower quality of life. 

There is a lot of open heart surgery done in NZ and around the world but for ME this is not routine. I have no truck with platitudes and prayers. This is the most dangerous thing I have ever undergone. Statistics do not apply well to individuals so I joined a couple of Facebook support groups:  The Zipper Club   https://www.facebook.com/groups/2256590992/?hoisted_section_header_type=recently_seen&multi_permalinks=10159656997055993

Heart valve surgery support group https://www.facebook.com/groups/2256590992/?hoisted_section_header_type=recently_seen&multi_permalinks=10159656997055993

It takes a bit to get your head around this mortal thing where for the first time in my life, my heart will not be beating. It will be chopped, stitched and literally in the hands of a human being I do not know but who has skills and commitment to see me through. Hope, trust and faith in a large team of medical staff to work together for the best outcome is necessary.

I expect things to go well, that the team will perform their best work and that nothing untoward will happen. However, back in October, the surgeon did say she could have an 'oops' moment. In that case, if she destroys a coronary artery while trying to rectify the valve problem I will end up with an additional procedure -coronary artery graft harvested from my body. (See video below)

The vascular sonographer mapped my legs. I had already told her I didn't want any harvesting from my arms and chest as I am a bass player. She could see where I had had lower leg vein surgery in France years ago. "They've done a nice job," she said. I agree.  "What fine (petite) veins you have," she added. Yes, I know, it is often a problem. Upon investigation with her lubricant and transducer, she decided my left thigh offered the best vein to be harvested. She used a gangrenous green marker pen to draw the position, diagonally across the entire length of my inner thigh. That would be one hell of an incision. The sternotomy is more than enough, thanks. Let's hope it doesn't come to that but, hey, shit happens. When I had to sign the consent form I had to consent for an entire page length of consequences/problems, some of them fatal.

Unfortunately my delayed surgery date in February got cancelled so I have been 'babysitting' the drawing for the past 10 days: touching up the drawing with the marker pen the sonographer gave me, wrapping my thigh in gladwrap when I wanted to shower. So far so good.

The hospital told me I will be tested for covid on arrival. If I am positive I will be sent home. I thought the better part of valour might be discretion so I've been in total seclusion - seeing no-one, going nowhere. Titivating the garden, eliminating cobwebs in the garage, harvesting and processing from my garden and completing a 1000 piece jigsaw of the Fellowship of the Ring have kept me occupied. Covid means I am not allowed any support person with me when I check in. I don't know about visitors. They might be banned too.

I've needed to keep occupied as I deal with facing this on my own, getting my head in a good space. When my heart stops that's the end of my former life. When it starts up again it will be the beginning of a very new one. Like dying; to be reborn. I intend to fill the new life with lots more interesting experiences, I hope one day fate will allow me to visit France again while alive, I'm ready to progress my bass playing as far as others will allow me to go. Bring on the stadium rock gig, I say. I look forward to meeting new folks, new friends, to seeing Mon Paradis so much more established, accumulating new hobbies, revisiting others, learning, learning all the time - that's how you know you really are alive.

I will be in for a punishing physical time for a bit but one that, I hope, will ultimately see me fitter than I have been in decades. I must push, and be patient. Thank you to those who have kept in touch recently, checking up on me, letting me know I do not operate in a vacuum. What an adventure. I've had so many but this one is likely to be the biggest. I'm walking away from that old life I have documented in so much detail, walking in only one direction - to the new life I want. I mean to make it count!

I have added some videos in case you or a friend or family need to go through this at some stage.

Short video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDmlWAaDxVg

Longer video on hospital stay process https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7G8cAJchuw  

and another one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjdgH8SNz08 

Coronary graft where heart is NOT stopped. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U637W8ywao