Monday 11 July 2022

Anatomy of an online dating scam

Ever wondered how scammers operate on online dating sites? What do they actually say to hook potential victims? Here's your chance to be a 'fly on the wall'. I recently experienced a scam but fear not, there was never any possiblity of losing any money as I don't have any and don't trust easily these days. The following exerpts from email communications over a 3 week period are heavily edited (especially mine as most info on me is already in the public domain). The scammer is in black type, I am in green and my editorial comments are in red. The following messages start after initial contact on the dating site. His profile then abruptly became unavailable. This is, I have now discovered, a scammer technique as they hide and don't wish to pay to use the sites. The fiction was that he was working on an oil platform in the North Sea off the cost of scotland. Due to return to Christchurch in two weeks which somehow stretched to three.

I have included photos of this 'person' who is probably some poor guy unaware his image is being used. If you know who this person is in the photo please let me know. I have not revealed the name as it is probably bogus and I don't want to upset people with the same name. So...Read on... What do you make of it?

 A: How are you? I hope you're good and you've had a very fine weekend. Thanks very much for responding to my message on the dating site. I really do appreciate having you here and i hope we can develop a beautiful relationship together...smiles.I am sorry for my delayed reply, i have been a little busy at work. I also got a bit of sad news a few days ago and it's got me quite down and slow. I lost a very dear friend and i am still quite shocked over his death. He was a very fit and healthy gentleman. He wasn't sick, until he had a sudden heart stroke and he didn't survive it. He was like my only friend and i will miss him greatly. I pray his soul rest in perfect peace.I didn't have much on my profile, so i will try to introduce myself formally here and you can ask whatever question you like when you reply...smiles.My name is A**** M*******. I am a Virgo, Born September 13th, 1958. I am a widower as my wife passed away 4yrs ago. We never had kids, even though we tried several times. As we really love kids and wanted to have ours.I am an easy going person, some say i'm always with a smile. I love sports(soccer), reading, music, movies(comedy), nature, hiking, traveling, going on a boat cruise... just the simple things of life.I am a mixed American as my mum was Brazilian, while my Dad was an American. I live in Christchurch, but i am currently at the North Sea in Scotland for a contract job. We are constructing an offshore crude oil rig here at the North Sea.I got the contract to supply some of the heavy duty machines needed and i also work as a Safety Supervisor on the platform. The project is supposed to end in March, but the pandemic slowed things down a bit as we had to stop work for a while. I've been back here on the platform for about 2 weeks now and i just have two more weeks to go before i come back home to Christchurch for my break. The project will be ending in September and i hope to retire afterwards. It is one more reason i joined the dating site. To find a partner to enjoy my retirement with.It's been a while since i was in a relationship and i want love again in my life. I desire an understanding and honest lady who is ready to love and be loved, as life can be very lonely and boring without a companion. This sudden passing of my friend has just made me realize again that life's short and we just have to enjoy it and live it to the fullest while we can.I know i am away now and we can't meet up right away. But i believe it can work in our favor, as we can use the time to get to know ourselves a bit, before we actually meet up in person. So we won't just be like complete strangers when we meet up...smiles. I feel it might be a bit awkward that way...smiles. I haven't dated in a while, so please pardon me if i am wrong about this.I'll stop here, but will write again when next i read from you. You can tell me about yourself, just the basic things you would like me to know and you can ask whatever question you wish to know about me. Until then, you take good care of yourself and enjoy your week. Bye for now.

He uses American spelling. Generally good spelling except for the first person pronoun and a rather strange and repetitive use of syntax that would suggest he is not a native English speaker. There again, so many people can't write a normal sentence these days. The endearments are a bit odd. Sort of reminds me of those internet scammers from Nigeria.

 Email from me follows, outlining some personal info, likes and dislikes etc. Asking for more detailed info from him. An internet search reveals this person does not have a Facebook account, nor a webpage.

F: What sort of safety stuff do you have to do on the oil rig? Sounds cold out there, even though it is summer...What do you do in your spare time?...Why are  you in NZ/ Christchurch? ...

 A: Your email is really nice, i must let you know i am liking our communication already and i hope for the best for us. Thanks for your concern about my friend, it's quite sad but it's the way life is. We never get out of it alive.Nice to know you're already retired as i will be doing so soon as well. How are you finding retirement? I sometimes fear i might get bored...smiles. It's why i don't plan on going into full time retirement. I will find something less stressful to keep me occupied for a few hours in a day or a few days of the week. It's one more reason i need a partner, to enjoy my retirement with. Travel and do whatever fun activity we like together...smiles.We are quite alike as we both haven't been in a relationship for a while. I don't expect to find a perfect partner, just someone i can get along with and share the rest of my life with. You seem like a really nice and intelligent lady. That's good enough for me. I just hope you find me good enough too...smiles. I see you've tried internet dating before and i am a little surprised you're still single. What happened the last time you tried it? Didn't you meet anyone? Or were you just looking out for me...smiles.It's a pretty cloudy day out here with a temperature of about 15C. I've been working out at the plant for most of the day. I just finished having my lunch break and i've got some time alone in my office, so i decided to come spend it with you...smiles.

 I spent my early childhood in Brazil before relocating to the United States. I used to speak fluent Portuguese back then in Brazil but changed to English when we relocated to the States. I forgot how to speak Portuguese over time due to lack of practice, but i couldn't let go of the accent completely...smiles.I like dancing even though i am not so good at it. I just move my body to the melody. It's why i like almost all kinds of music, depending on my mood. I've got a few dance moves i can teach you when we get together and you can teach me some dancing as well...smiles. The weather out here is always cold, some days are worse and some days ok. It's about 13C now and it's like it's going to be a sunny day. Our rig is still under construction, so our basic day to day activity is on machine installations and their various processes. I monitor the process to make sure everything is done correctly and safely. Making sure both the facility and the personnel are safe at all times.I see you've got a really nice and flourishing garden...smiles. My late wife used to have one back in the States and i enjoyed fresh fruits and vegetables from it...smiles. I am not so good at gardening, so i don't have any at the moment. Maybe you can help me out in future when we get together...smiles.I am sorry you couldn't see my profile on the dating site anymore when you checked. It's just like i told you in my message on the site, i didn't plan on staying on the site. So i deleted my profile after you wrote to me here. Didn't see any reason being there anymore as we can have all our communications here and meet up when the time is right.I don't do so much during my spare time. I like to work out at the gym, nap, watch movies, read, go out for a walk and sight seeing...smiles.I actually relocated to NZ for work and i just decided to stay back after my contract expired. My current job here at the North Sea is only temporary, so it's why i didn't bother relocating down here. I kind of like NZ, compared to the United States. It's relatively more peaceful and i believe it's such a place i need to be for my retirement. Somewhere serene and peaceful to relax and enjoy my golden years with my partner...smiles. Of course we can always travel to visit other countries from time to time but i want my home to be in NZ...smiles. France is also nice, but i don't really like it because of the language. I can't speak French and i am not so ready for the stress of learning a new language now...smiles.Well, i will have to stop here to get started with my duties for the day. Need to sort out some paperwork in preparation for a meeting with the other engineers to discuss my incoming shipment from the United States. You take good care of yourself and enjoy your night as i look forward to reading from you again soon. Bye for now.

Elaborate details. Sounds convincing. He sends four photos, supposedly of himself so I reply by sending some of mine.

Thanks for your lovely email and photos. You're a very pretty lady and i feel really lucky being connected with you...smiles. I am glad you like my photos as well. The very first stage of any relationship is liking each other's physical appearance and i am glad we've crossed that stage already. From the little we've shared, i kind of feel you've got the inner beauty too and i look forward to exploring it all as we get along 

F: Please don't assume we are suited. I hope we are but chemistry is necessary and we have never met.  I don't even have a decent photo of you. You seem like a nice person and intelligent and interesting but that is not enough. I don't carry a lot of 'baggage' but the relationships I have had in the past have not been positive ones. I am very cautious and take things slowly because if a guy can't start as a good friend I can trust, it will never work to rush things.

I am looking forward to hearing from you. What do your heavy machines actually do?

Trying to get more specific info but it's like pulling teeth.

A: I admire your courage in relocating to France without understanding the language. But i understand you had to do what is needed at the time. I did likewise when i was in Qatar for 3yrs, but mine is different as i still couldn't speak Arabic after i left. My ears aren't so good with languages like yours. I can only visit non-English speaking countries but not relocate there permanently.
I am sorry if i sounded too forward about my intentions in my previous email. I am not a man that believes in rushing a relationship. Love comes softly and i believe friendship should always come first in any true relationship. It's one more reason i am happy we are meeting this way. Getting to know the basics about each other virtually before actually meeting up in person. I want the real thing or at least a good friendship.
It has been another cold day out here. Been working out at the plant for most of the day and we're done with all that for today. I've just finished having my lunch and will continue the day's task at the laboratory as we've got some testing and analysis to do. That will take up the rest of the work day. 
I will relax for a few minutes with a hot cup of coffee here in my office before i go out again. You just take good care of yourself always and have a very fine day ahead as i look forward to reading from you again later on.

  Just so you know, i am not looking for the perfect partner as i don't believe anyone is perfect. All i need is someone that is compatible with me and enjoys my company as much as i enjoy hers...smiles. So i can rightly say you're perfect for me as you are as you've got all i desire in a partner and more...smiles. I haven't been to a lot of places in NZ, so you see we have a lot to do together. Lots of places to see and fun activities lined up. I so much look forward to it all, even though i am more interested in just spending time with you and getting to know you...smiles.The machines i am bringing in are mainly for drilling, power generation, metering and some general safety accessories. I will stop here to carry on with my duties as i look forward to reading from you again later on. I must confess you've been with me in my thoughts often these few days and i hope things just keep getting better for us..

 A: It's another cold and windy morning out here. It rained a bit during the night and it seems like it's going to rain again this morning. We will be going out for some maintenance work in another rig this evening and we will be there until Sunday. The internet there isn't so good, so i may not be able to write until we get back here on Sunday. I just must let you know, so you don't get too worried when you don't hear from me. I want you to know you will be with me in my thoughts and i will write as soon as possible.I will stop here for now to go have my breakfast at the cafeteria as i look forward to reading from you again later on. Until then, you take good care of yourself and have a very fine night's rest.

A: How are you? I hope good and you haven't missed me too much...smiles. I missed you though and i've only just got settled back at my platform. You've been with me in my thoughts and i am here to spend a few mins with you. I will give a proper reply to your email in my morning. I just must let you know that i am still here and so much looking forward to meeting you soon. I should be coming home later this week and will let you know of my flight details as soon as I have it booked.I am tired and will try to get some rest now. Do take good care of yourself always and enjoy a very fine day ahead. Bye for now.

F: Do you know yet when you will be back in Christchurch?....I would also be interested to know what values you deem important. I consider honesty, generosity of spirit, cleanliness, punctuality, reliability,  a sense of drive is important. There are others you can discover. What can you tell me about yourself?

A: I see you have quite a lot of work going on in your garden and i wish i am there to assist..smiles. I am not so good at gardening, but at least you won't have to be climbing a ladder with me around...smiles. Please be safe when you do that, or you can just wait until i come over and it will be my pleasure to get it done for you.
My shipment from the United States should be arriving at Aberdeen seaport next week. So i should be able to come home towards the weekend. Will surely let you know of my flight details soonest i have it booked. So you know when i am coming in and maybe you can meet me at the airport...smiles.

I am a simple man and just need a simple lady that is compatible with me. Someone caring, fun, understanding, intelligent and all the other values you mentioned in your mail...smiles. I just want someone that will be happy to share the rest of her life with me, as much as i will be overjoyed sharing forever with her too...smiles.

Sounds a bit cloying. Could still be legit.

 F: It was great to get your message. I was becoming a bit puzzled by the silence as it has been a couple of days since I last heard from you. Thank goodness you haven't fallen overboard or been crushed by heavy machinery. They must be keeping you very busy.

I have attached some photos of me in Rio 2012 for the Earth Summit. Do you have any photos of you on the oil platform?

Am happy to collect you from the airport so long as it fits in with any of my other commitments. Without a definite time from you it's a bit hit and miss. Hope you don't have too many hassles getting back to NZ in these covid times. I am looking forward to meeting you soon.

He replies he has no photos of him on the oil rig but will send some later. So why not take a selfie and send it? Hmmm. I am trying to be as neutral as possible but am starting to wonder. Folks, listen to your intuition.

A: I hope you had a lovely night's rest and you awake to another beautiful morning. I am not doing so well over here and it's the reason i couldn't write sooner.I arrived here in the city yesterday evening but i had some issues as i got in and it has got me quite frustrated and stranded. I only noticed my bank account is frozen as i tried to use the ATM here in the city. I couldn't access my funds in the account, so i couldn't even pay for any hotel accommodation. I had to go make a report with the police and they assisted me in getting a place on credit in a serviced apartment. I have been speaking with my bank all day to try to reactivate my account but they aren't really helping. They claim some money was transferred into the account from Russia and they suspect it's money laundering. I've explained that the money was sent in by a company i used to work for in Russia, to purchase some equipment for them from the United States, but they are still refusing to unfreeze the account. Saying i should give them time to carry out their investigations.I am just so frustrated and don't know what else to do. As i need to access my funds in order to get my shipment cleared from the seaport. And the equipment is needed for work at the platform immediately. I've been thinking so much that i am having a migraine now.Anyway, i just want to let you know what is going on, so you don't get too worried about me. I am still looking for ways to get things sorted and i will surely let you know when all is well again. You just take good care of yourself and have a very fine day ahead. I will be in touch. Bye for now.

What sort of international businessman is so incompetent not to have this sort of thing sussed or covered? Alarm bells are now ringing but there is no proof of scamming.

 F: You do realise this all sounds like an internet dating scam?

A: But what will I gain in scamming you. I can never stoop so low to do such. Just letting you know what is going on with me.

 F: It usually involves a guy needing money and they are always overseas. I have come across this before several times so I am very sceptical. Sorry if I have misjudged  you but dating sites are used for this and the fact that you immediately disappeared from the site is often an indicator. I certainly hope your situation gets resolved. I've tried a lot of internet dating over the years. I end up getting hurt. I am hoping you are not like that. This is why I don't like long distance.

A:  I understand you very well, but because you've been scammed by someone in the past doesn't mean everyone having issues is a scam. I told you i wasn't going to remain on the dating site after i sent you my email to contact me. I don't know why you will want to use that against me now.Anyway, i am still looking for ways to get myself sorted. I will let you know when everything is good again and i am ready to come home. You just take care and have a nice evening.

 People trying to avoid paying for internet dating frequently find ways to add a profile and to give someone who interests them their email address in a format that is difficult for the site to pick up on. It doesn't mean they are not reasonable people. But... I am beginning to see a pattern.

 F: I do not wish to hold anything against you, simply to explain my reaction as I have been mislead, betrayed and lied to several times where distance is involved. There is currently a lot of that happening to men and women on the dating sites including a handful of incidents for myself alone. It is unfortunate that you have been caught up in such a difficult situation before we have even met.

All the best in resolving your current problem. Banks are very cagey with international money transfers these days, even extremely modest amounts, and I suppose anything to do with Russia these days could raise a red flag.
Fortunately you are in an English-speaking country. Do keep me up to date on developments and hope to see you back here safe and sound.
Take care
 
Am waiting to see if he will 'hang' himself. His next email should be interesting. I really hope it's not what I think it will be.

A: As i am still not settled over here and i wonder if you can assist. I've been trying to reach my friend all day for some monetary assistance but i can't seem to reach him on the phone or via email. I am very stranded and frustrated here and will so much appreciate your help. I just need a little loan to help get things sorted and i can pay back within the next few days. Thanks very much in anticipation of a favorable reply and do have a very fine day ahead. 

The definitive 'aha' moment. What decent guy who has never met the woman is going to ask for money? I play confused but trying to be helpful. A scammer should, by this time, realise he is wasting his time.

F: You would need to give me this person's phone number. Surely you must be needing a large sum of money to sort out your problems. I am in no position to help anyone financially, myself. If you have their phone number you could contact them directly?You could always try using Skype or zoom with your friend. I usually use Skype when communicating internationally.

Cheers and good luck.
 
No further communication from this jerk. Shame I wasted 3 weeks of 'hard to come by' hope. I have noticed a rash of guys putting profiles up and then immediately being labelled inactive members. I wrote a diary entry for the dating site alerting to some of the red flag behaviours but they did not show any real interest. I now report any guy's profile that semms to be using the same modus operandi. It's time consuming.

0 comments:

Post a Comment

I welcome your comments, contributions and feedback.