Help! I'm being erased.

It has been a very distressing 7 months. I had received an email from the publishing arm of Amazon , now called Kindle Direct Publishing, to say my US/IRS tax documents for my book published in 2014 would soon be out of date and that I must renew them. OK, it's not that simple understanding these tax forms which are renewed every three years, but I've done it several times in the past. However, this platform for authors is proving to be a thoughtless horror.

Things worked well for a few years when it was originally Createspace. Then they changed it to KDP. I found the security clunky and things got worse once they insisted on two-step verification. I can see the logic but when the technology doesn't work and the huge corporate is based in the US - it's a recipe for major stress. It is also a salutory warning of how technology can destroy lives and those lives can do NOTHING about it - beware AI, I am thinking, even if you do nothing wrong you cannot argue with a powerful corporate that does not care. 

I think we can all agree that Facebook doesn't really give a shit about us - our timelines are clogged with stuff we absolutely don't want and not the activities of our friends. It is just a channel for push marketing and it just gets worse.

We can also agree (if you have a lot of exerience like me) that the dating sites don't give a shit either. They don't work and they don't care.

I did, however, hope that Amazon KDP might care a bit because they get a commission whenever the site sells one of my books, though it is a rare occurence these days. I pop onto the KDP site to update my tax docs, amend my author page, see if I have sold anything.

Seven months ago I tried to get into the back end of my KDP account to update my tax docs. If I don't do that I will get very little commission in future as the IRS will keep most of it. So I was pretty motivated to sort things out when I noticed mysef in a security loop to nowhere. I tried to explain this to them:

"I have a serious problem with Amazon &  KDP. For almost 5 months both have given me the copy paste and run-around. I am an author and need to access my KDP account. I can use username and password but to access and update my tax docs for the IRS I need to get into the deep parts of my account. It wants to send me a code but now it doesn’t even send it to my phone, only my email account, and when I enter it it then wants my phone number, which I try to enter and it says internal error. 

I have wasted weeks of my life trying to get someone at AmazonKDP to fix this bug. They said they would take off the two-step verification so I would need to send official ID to them. This I have done three times. They say it is disactivated but it isn’t. I get the same bad errors. Any phone number I have been given does not work/go through. Whenever I request a callback the screen usually tells me the service is not available. As a result of all this I no longer get the royalties I am owed and will never be able to publish another book. I despair. Can anyone advise me (I am currently in NZ)?"

All I got was standard/stock replies which never did anything because they expect the user to solve the IT problem instead of the IT supplier fixing their own mistakes. Literally for months I would go on Chat with either Amazon or Amazon KDP and each tried to off-load me to the other. It was clear from the standard of English that the customer service chats were not native speakers. IF you can find a customer service contact number (see end of post) you are offered two choices: a Chat or a Phonecall. Most of the time a phonecall service was not available and when it was I got shunted from pillar to post, constantly repeating my issues, waiting to be fobbed off and eventually told a technical team would get back to me within 24 hours. They stopped even bothering with that much.

Yes, I was reminded of stuff I could try myself but none of that could work because there was a bug/internal error on my two-step verification. Eventually things deteriorated and the OTP codes no longer came through on my phone but just a copy via email. Trouble was, the very last step never worked and I was stuck with an error.

Hours and hours of frustration every week, every month ensued for me. A software writer tried to reason with Amazon by phone but got fobbed off too. No one is accountable, no one actually fixes anything. What is a customer to do? I don't think I'd succeed in getting a call through to Jeff Bezos's successor Andy Jassy.

Now 7 months since I first tried to update my tax documents I am still locked out of the back end on my account. Oh, I can still log in to buy stuff from Amazon if I wanted to but I can't do the security stuff with my account. I can never publish another book and I can never get the royalities owed for any copies of my book I may sell. After the huge amount of work that went into writing, formatting, marketing etc my book Follow My Heart it seems very hard to accept. Maybe I could delete my entire account, which was a last resort suggested to me, and start again, but the IT stuff involved the first time in trying to get a book published on KDP was hideous and I would lose all my reviews etc. Beware: deleting any Amazon retail account deletes all other accounts too but retail seems to be the main account. I feel pretty depressed about this but more was to come.

When I launched my book in 2014 NZ publishers and marketers showed zero interest, probably because I was not currently in NZ so getting my book into stores and libraries was difficult. However, a few years ago I discovered a copy in the Lincoln library. It proved to be the only copy in Selwyn District. A few weeks ago, at the Rolleston (Selwyn) Library (the one that refuses to have the word Library on the outside) I could find no record of my book in the catalogue for the district. I enquired of the librarian and she confirmed it had been 'retired'. Why? I asked and she said it was more than 3 years old so they had no room for it. "Then how come I have a stack of books I'm taking out where most are nearly 10 years old?" I said. She had no explanation but was able to tell me my book had become available to borrow in 2016 and had been borrowed 37 times - while not a lot of borrowing it was reasonable, she said. I suggested that a bit more support for a local author would be nice and that I could supply a fresh copy. The librarian said the person who makes the decisions would call me. Of course, she never did!

It's an awful feeling - being erased. 

Amazon chat no longer bothers to speak to me/get back to me/ lie to me even. I am simply a boring problem to be non existent. A personal memoir/something that mattered, that had taken a huge effort, that had been well received by readers and also borrowed a bit was blocked from being borrowed or providing any recompense to the author.

In all cases no one gives a damn to make it right when it is their own systems at fault. What will AI and other systems do to our identities and lives once they start making mistakes about US?

For those of you who might wonder how Amazon and KDP interact on these issues or if you too need some 'help' to resolve a simple thing read the detailed blah blah below which is only part of the BS solutions that in many cases were just plain unworkable that I had to endure.

1. Thank you for contacting us about the Two-Step Verification on your Amazon account.
We have confirmed that the Two-Step Verification has been deactivated and your account access has been restored using the documents you provided. You should be able to sign in to your Amazon account.
You can manage Two-Step Verification and reactivate this setting. To do so, go to "Your Account" and click "Login & security."

2. Thank you for your patience while we work to solve this problem for you.
In this case, I was able to talk with the technical team, and they advised me to explain to you that you need to contact the Account Recovery team so they can help you disable the OTP on your account. Try signing in through a registered backup method or from a trusted device.
If you still can't sign in, kindly visit this link and follow the instructions provided:

US: https://www.amazon.com/gp/help/customer/display.html/ref=hp_left_v4_sib?ie=UTF8&nodeId=202073840
BR: https://www.amazon.com.br/gp/help/customer/display.html/?&nodeId=202073840
DE: https://www.amazon.de/gp/help/customer/display.html/ref=hp_left_v4_sib?ie=UTF8&nodeId=202073840

You can try using the first link, and if the first one does not work, you can try using the other ones I provide you.
If you need more assistance, please don't hesitate and contact us again.http://www.amazon.com/gp/help/contact-us/general-questions.html
You may call us If you need additional assistance or have further questions.
We've provided the link below which will take you directly to our help pages:
We can be reached by phone 24 hours a day, seven days a week using the following link:

Contacting us through the website allows you to verify security before a call is placed and ensures we have your account information ready when we call you.

To contact us, visit https://www.amazon.com/gp/help/customer/contact-us and follow the prompts.
To request a call from our customer service department, please follow the steps below:

1. Visit http://www.amazon.com/help
2. Click the "Contact Us" button in the Customer Service box on the right side of the page.
3. Click the "Skip sign in" button.
4. Click the "Phone" tab and enter your phone number in the window that pops up.
5. Choose a time frame ("Right Now" or "In 5 minutes") and click "Submit."
We'll call you right back!

3. Thank you for your inquiry about Kindle Direct Publishing. With Kindle Direct Publishing, you can self-publish Kindle and paperback books on Amazon.
You can find more information about getting started at:
https://kdp.amazon.com/self-publishing/help
If you need assistance with an existing account or have questions, go to the following link, login, then click contact us at the bottom of the page:

https://kdp.amazon.com/contact-us

4. I am very sorry that you are so desperate and seem to find no solution to login to your account. I would like to mention that this is a global problem and many authors can not get their OTP or when they do, they get the internal error message
Our last option in this type of cases is to suggest to our publishers to create a new account and afterwards, report back to us, so we can merge the old and new one.
I am sorry you have to go through it, but currently is our last measurement as well,

Blogger Warning: Note that one cannot just create a new account becuase they will pick up on the fact that your phone number or email are the same as the old account so you will be blocked from setting up another account. 

5. Please use your KDP credentials to log into amazon, follow the steps below to change the phone number or enable an authenticator app

An authenticator app is a software application that generates a one-time password (OTP), which you can use for two-step verification. You can download authenticator apps from the app store on your smartphone or mobile device (tablet, iPad). On desktop computers, you can download an authenticator as a browser extension (add-on).
There are many third-party authenticator apps, such as Google Authenticator and Microsoft Authenticator. You can use any app you want. These apps don’t have access to your Amazon account information.

To download an authenticator app:
1. Search for an authenticator app:
- Smartphones or mobile devices: Go to the app store and search for "authenticator app." Search results will show third-party apps such as Google Authenticator and Microsoft Authenticator. You can use any app.
- Desktop computers: Use a search engine to find an authenticator extension (add-on) that works with your browser. For example, if you use Firefox, search for "Firefox authenticator."
2. Download the authenticator app or extension of your choice.
3. Go to your Amazon customer account on Amazon.com.
4. Under "Account & Lists," click "Your Account"
5. Choose "Login & Security."
6. Click "Edit" next to "Two-Step Verification (2SV) Settings."
7. In the "Enrolled 2SV Authenticators" section, click "Add new phone or Authenticator App."
8. Enter the OTP number to proceed signing in
9. Choose "Authenticator App" and follow the instructions that appear.
To learn more about authenticator apps, check Help: https://kdp.amazon.com/help/topic/G6HTFZJLJ7AJQ56R

6. I understand the authenticator didn't work, but were you not able to update the phone number?
step 7 allows you to add an authenticator app or a new phone number, you do this at the amazon level and it will also affect the KDP level.:
7. In the "Enrolled 2SV Authenticators" section, click "Add new phone or Authenticator App."
Once verification is enabled you will be able to receive your OTP also for your KDP login
Thanks for using Amazon KDP,

7.Can I ask yo please to attach an image of your identity document or drivers license so we can open a case to temporarily de-activate your account security 

8. Thank you for bringing this to our attention.
We need a little time to look into the problem with your two step verification
We’ll reply and send you more information within 2-3 business days. Thanks for your patience.
Thanks for using Amazon KDP,

9. We recommend you work with the Amazon Retail Customer Service department, as they are best equipped to help you with this issue.
You can contact the Amazon Retail Customer Service department directly at:

https://www.amazon.com.au/gp/help/contact-us/general-questions.html

10. We understand you wish to close your account and delete your data.
Protecting your privacy and the security of your data is and has always been a top priority for us. The most secure and straight-forward way to submit the request is to follow these steps:

1. Go to Close Your Amazon Account: https://www.amazon.com/privacy/data-deletion

2. Sign into the account you want to close.

3. Review the products and services associated with your account.

4. If you still wish to proceed, select a reason in the drop-down menu. Tick the box next to "Yes, I want to permanently close my Amazon account and delete its data" and select "Close My Account."

Please note that the closure is permanent and afterwards the account will no longer be available to you. We will not be able to restore the account.

If you decide later that you want to start ordering from us again, or if you would like to use products and services that require an account, you will need to create a new account.

By requesting the closure of your Amazon account on any Amazon site, you'll also lose access to all the products and services offered across all Amazon sites globally where you use the same login credentials (email, mobile phone number, and password).This includes, among others, international Amazon sites (for example amazon.ca, amazon.fr, amazon.com.mx), and Audible, etc.

If you have multiple accounts, follow the provided steps for each of them to ensure that we have the correct authority to take action on each account you wish to close. A confirmation notification will be sent to the email address associated to your account or via text message. You'll need to reply within 5 days to verify your request. If you are experiencing issues with logging into the account you wish to close, visit the following Help page: https://www.amazon.com/gp/help/customer/display.html?nodeId=GAM5QWMWMTFCHEQT

Lots to see at Arrowtown

If you are staying at Queenstown and the person you are with can't or won't do bungy-jumping, the gondola, jet boating, rafting or water fun on the lake what can you do to pass the time?

Head off to Arrowtown, it's not far and is certainly worth the effort. Regardless of the time of year you visit there are some must-dos. I didn't get to do most of these as my international guest was too preoccupied with the excellent souvenir shops, so we ran out of time to see much else.

 The Lakes District Museum & info centre:

This building used to be the town bank. It is a wee gem; far more interesting than you might suppose. The exhibits on life in a goldrush town are in good condition, well laid out with great information. 

The first section you come to looks at gold mining and gold panning. Everything is clean and tidy and well explained with Shotover gold nuggets on display.Some information on gold exchange and the ancient banking system was of interest. Getting hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of gold to the bank was fraught with danger.

I was particularly surprised to see an exhibit on music and how settlers used to amuse themselves at home. Truly old musical instruments were on display and even photos showing them being used in
those times. Nowhere else have I seen that sort of exhibit. Instruments most certainly do change form and technology as the centuries advance.

A lot of effort has been put into showing various work activities such as sawmilling, blacksmithing, food production. I especially enjoyed getting up close and wandering around and inside these exhibits. The strangest one was a door one was encouraged to open to a very small room. If you opened the door you found yourself looking at someone on the toilet and a shriek went up. Very disconcerting but amusing. The person was an animated mannequin.

I couldn't help but be struck by the hardships and physical struggles men and women had 150 years ago. Just how far we have come with technology and also education for women.

I could also see how those with some education and entrepreneurial urges could really make a new and comfortable life. Because pretty much everything was needed and there wasn't a lot of competition. Got what it takes to be a teacher? Just start your own school. So little red tape. Nowdays you are actively discouraged from doing what you are good at.

If you are an early to mid 'boomer' you'll remember learning the old British Imperial system of weights and measures and money. In the display school room they had a sheet showing shillings, pounds and guineas. And hey, the old times tables up to 12. 

Most kids these days have no idea of their times tables, even up to 10. All I have of the old money is one precious sixpence my Gran used to put in her Christmas Plum Puddings, and the odd shilling and penny. No paper money. Still, I do have one coin from each of the British monarchs from Queen Victoria onwards. What stories those old coins might tell.

We are ephemeral creatures. We don't live all that long and once our children have gone it is as if we never existed. Objects link us to history and to the ordinary lives of thoses long gone, not too dissimmilar to our own ordinary lives. What will we leave behind? With digital devices and their too-soon obsolete technologies there won't be much left to see.

An HP printer compared to the wonderful old printing press on display in this museum. I've seen old presses at other museums but this one seemed extra special. You can spend a good hour and a half at this museum. It costs about $10 per person entry.

At ground level there's a very good bookshop with souvenirs too. It features NZ travel, culture and history.

Beyond the museum there is the main street to explore. The souvenir shops are numerous and of excellent quality and they contain plenty of merchandise you won't see anywhere else. It could be such a picturesque street if only they would ban cars from parking there. I found it impossible to take photos of the beautiful fronts of the buildings due to cars in the way. What a shame! There are other streets where cars are less evident but those buildings are of lesser interest.

There is a little shop that was quite a surprise and a delight, located on Buckingham St. It is a lolly shop, the

Remarkable Sweet Shop. But what a lolly shop. Sweets that reminded my of my childhood, sweets from other cultures, sweets unknown, chocolates made a la maison. I left without buying anything. There was too much that was yummy to choose so it was better for me not to.

Other things to do for which I didn't have time: 

There's a specialist wine store The Winery which looked really interesting and had a good selection of NZ wine but they don't post to Europe. Only Asia. Lost me there. Plenty of Asian tourists but few from elsewhere. I really think we've turned off other visitors to these shores.

Gibbston Valley Winery which hosts the annual rock festival in the Gibbston Valley is only a little further along from Arrowtown, as is Lake Hayes - spectacular in autumn.

Nature walk along the Arrow River

There are two walks: a 60min one and a 10 min stroll with different views.

The Chinese Settlement

Most 19th century Chinese miners were poor and not very welcome. They came to to strick it rich enough to send money back to their families. They had their own separate town by the river, which included their own stores. The settlement on vue today is restored AND recreated. I hope I'll be back one day to see it.

Art Galleries:

I did visit one. There were a couple of large and good quality pieces supervised by a French lady. Again, too expensive.

Golf Courses:

There are three courses with fantastic scenery - Millbrook, the Hills, and the Arrowtown Golf Club, rated in the NZ top 20.

Arrowtown is worth a visit at any time of the year.

Shantytown on a quiet day

There's not a heck of a lot to do at Greymouth, West Coast of the South Island but what there is should include a trip to ShantyTown. I hadn't been there since I took a St Marks School class trip there in 1985. Book at the iSite at the train station and you'll get a 10% discount. Shantytown was built to preserve the Coast's 19th century gold, timber and steam-powered pioneer history.

It looks a bit Wild West and so it must have been back in the gold rush days.  Those of us who are baby-boomers may just recognise some household items and shop equipment originating between 1850 to 1940, from our youth. It's an amazing collection of detail. ShantyTown is home to a collection of over 10,000 objects, 2000 photographs and 1000 archives. 

I visited this tourism activity on a very quiet and sunny morning.It was pleasant to stroll, take the time to look at all the information and collectables but without any crowds it lacked a certain energy. Can't have it all. So... lots of time spent checking out the shops, hospital and pharmacy, firestation, schoolhouse, forge, jail, gemstones and minerals gallery, newspaper office, church and we finished with a look at the recently added Masonic Lodge (not my interest at all).

If you'd like to practice gold panning you can do so. You are bound to get some specks in the bottom of your pan and there's a hydraulic slicing gun that shows how water was used to blast gold-bearing gravel down races and flumes.

A must do includes a heritage train ride that is included in your entry fee. It's a 20 minute trip on the Infants Creek Tramway which allows you time for photos and a chat with the driver. There are also information panels worth reading. The engine itself is a  1957 built TR 107 Diesel.

I had thought that with all the bush and trees around there might have been more birdlife evident but all we saw was a very bold weka, making off with the engine-driver's lunch. 

The sawmill looks like it could still reduce a forest giant to planks and contains heaps of equipment and information on this important sector. We were informed that the forest lost will take 600 years to regenerate. Sixty years of milling destroyed what had taken hundreds of years to create. But NZ needed houses and buildings and exports at the time. There is no more felling of native forests these days, just the imported pine species.

There's an area called Chinatown which shows us that by the mid 1870s the chinese made up the largest minority group on the West Coast goldfields. Their accommodation was so primitive. There's also a short miners tunnel to explore.

The Holographic Theatre wasn't working when I visited but there was still plenty of information around on murders, hard lives of deprivation, local characters, industry and politics.

If you want to send a letter from the Post Office it is fully functional. All mail sent from it bears the ShantyTown postmark. Stamps and postcards are available. 

The jail was interesting and so was the forge. It reminded me a wee bit of Ferrymead in Chirstchurch.

There was quite a bit of nostagia here for me as I identified household objects I remembered my grandmother using. I must admit, it was nice to see some acknowledgement of the huge contributions early settlers had made. Many adventurers came to the West Coast and Otago from many parts of the world hoping to strike it rich from gold back in the nineteenth century.

It is possible to download a free audioguide if you'd like to take a self-guided tour. There's free wi-fi and a children's playground onsite with plenty of car parking.

Call for info: 0800 742 689
Visit: https://shantytown.co.nz

ShantyTown is located between  Greymouth and Hokitika – just 3kms off the main highway (SH6).

TransAlpine goes West

An opportunity to take a train journey which I could not afford for myself presented itself. I snatched it as I love the comfort of train travel (so long as it's not standing-room-only at commuter time).

The TranzAlpine scenic tourist rain runs from Christchurch to Greymouth, or Greymouth to Christchurch as a one-way trip. It is quite expensive at NZ$239 + but the trip covers 223 kilometres (139 miles) one-way and takes just under 5 hours, providing a very relaxing and interesting experience. 

The open-air viewing carriage allows keen photographers to take photos without the glare of windows but be warned, it is feverishly windy, hang on tight and initially you'll be scrabbling for a viewing spot before other passengers get blase and disappear back to more comfortable carriages.

The weather wasn't warm so I didn't avail myself of a chance to step out at a brief stop and it was a shame there was almost no snow. It must be a marvellous scene in early Spring travelling through the Great Divide and its majestic peaks. You'll see a variety of landscapes and land-use along the way.

Passengers are supplied with headphones to listen to an informative commentary as they roll along. I learned a few things about the history of the Canterbury Plains which are the most changed natural environment in NZ. It was bad enough with the sheep and wheat in the past but now it's all irrigation pivots and intensive dairy farming which I find distressing. The amount of potable artesian water being vomitted onto fields was shocking.

I got on the train at the Rolleston station but most passengers would get on at Christchurch. There are stewards to assist.

The refreshments car has very nice leather armchairs - a very civilised way to travel across the Southern Alps. Hot drinks and snacks can be purchased and service is good.

Along the way there are short stops at Springfield and Arthur's Pass. You'll travel past Otira, entering the 8km long tunnel, pass by Lake Brunner before arriving at Greymouth on the West Coast, where the train slows to cross mid-town traffic as it pulls into the station. 

The only down-side to the train trip was having 5 louty adolscent males in the same carriage constantly making a noise and showing no interest at all in the views outside. They obviously weren't paying for themselves and they spoiled the experience for those of us forced to share a carriage with them. 

Once you arrive at Greymouth you collect your luggage from the train and can then organise West Coast site-seeing and a rental car should you choose. The Speights Ale House provided a quality lunch though their dinner was less satisfying. After doing a spot of tourism we made our way to Hanmer Springs for a soak in the pools and an overnight stay before driving the rental to Christchurch via the Waipara vineyards - a short tasting at Greystones.

Exciting news from Hobbiton

 I'm back for a third visit to Hobbiton. Each time I enjoy it - entering that part of the imagination that is the Shire, Middle Earth (New Zealand). This year I was guiding a French national around the country and he loves anything Middle-Earth. Well, so do I and I knew big things were 'a-foot' in Hobbiton.

The ultimate experience of a hobbit hole begins 01 December this year (2023). Sssshhhttt! they are building hobbit holes of which you can tour the insides. Yes, folks, the Shire can now present a hobbit bedroom, kitchen, bathroom, pantry etc. You can be sure it will look like the films because the original illustrators and concept designers of Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit movies - John Howe and Alan Lee have designed it all. Utterly Cool!! If, like me, you have already visisted Hobbiton, you will just have to save up and go again because being inside a hole on Bagshot Row is a must-do.

While we were there we could see the construction teams hard at work trying to meet the opening deadline. Many members of these teams had worked on the constuction of Hobbiton in the past, especially when the set was made permanent for the Hobbit movies. From what I could see, the new furnished holes run right through this hill from front to back meaning there shoud be plenty of light inside. They are also building a working chimney. The hill being used is beside the Party Field.

Future tours will last two and a half hours in duration, allowing plenty of time to explore the intricate and detailed interiors of a Hobbit Hole, wander the gardens and fields and some extra time to relax at The Green Dragon Inn where you can choose from a number of free beverages. I usually choose Cider but have never succeeded in finishing one because the tour guide always whips us away before I can finish my drink. The site brews its own ales, cider and ginger beer.

In the future I will be able to drink any cider I like in my own time, as the kind marketing people gave us all our very own Prancing Pony mug as a thanks for coming over during construction.

I must confess I came away with a very small scale hobbit hole statue from the shop.  Who knows when I will ever get back but now there's a reason to come back for a fourth visit. And my international visitor loved his experience here.

No doubt Bilbo is taking a break while the noise of construction is going on. Bag End still looks good from the outside but the pipe is a recent addition. it is nice to see an enterprise actually improving the experience for its customers instead of resting on their laurels.

Here are artists's impressions of what the extended hobbit holes should look like completed.

For official news on this go to

https://www.hobbitontours.com/bagshot/ 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don't call it FrenchFest

Let's set the context:  I'm a direct descendant of two of the original French settlers who arrived at Akaroa in 1840. Joseph and Magdeleine Libeau were professional gardeners from the area south of Nantes, France. They left Rochefort, France on the boat le Compte de Paris only to find they had arrived in a country now declared British. Despite what must have been an enormous shock and disappointment, they persevered through great deprivations and hardships, cleared the land for market gardening, vines, dairy farming, brickworks etc and prospered by their own hard work.

Naturally Akaroa holds an important place in my heart and in the personal histories of all the descendants of the French and German settlers who disembarked from the boat. For thirteen years The Libeau Descendants Society and the Comte de Paris Descendants Society re-enacted the landing on the beach at Akaroa to the delight of locals and tourists. It was simply and honestly done but success grew the event to where they needed help and that appears to have been our downfall.

These days it is called FrenchFest but on any other weekend you'd be hard-pressed to find much that was genuinely French about the place. It has become a charicature and a nice financial vehicle for certain festival organisers. Akaroa itself has a great little museum but there isn't that much there from the French and German settlers, there are less than a handful of French people living there, the shops don't bother to greet you with a Bonjour, the products have little of a French theme. I guess it is still a unique place and we descendants are very proud of our ancesters who were poor, mostly illiterate but hard-working people brave enough to launch themselves into an adventure 18,000 kms away. For most it was a one-way trip into the wilderness
.

The re-enactment has been hijacked by 'Hollywood' types who care little for authenticity but prefer cheap shots, obscenities and woke pandering to certain groups. Ego reigns supreme. Actors from Auckland are flown in to perform stupidities in a bloated script. Rehearsals are held for weeks in Akaroa, effectively excluding most descendants from participating except as finale decoration. The script is 54 pages long. The French settlers arrive on page 53. 

But hey, let's have sexual inuendo between Captain Cook and Joseph Banks, references to cellphones, pest-control characters in green Steve Irwin outfits, deliberately stupid references to sperm (laughed by reference to sperm whales), a Maori 'entrepreneur'  selling multiple maps of Banks Peninsula (since when did Maori have paper-making technology?), totally unnecessary musical interludes, a camp male Queen Victoria. This appalling script is presented to families expecting to hear history. I was told many folks left after an hour, disgusted at the amount of obscenities used. In the end the duration of the play was 2 hours in freezing weather. When the descendants used to do it the duration was around 40 minutes.

The script is audibly insulting to Maori (yet Onuku Maori seem to go along with it). I wrote to the organisers requesting that they remove offensive lines from past scripts that were upsetting to Compte de Paris descendants. Nope still there. I had some lines to say but was never given the script before the final rehearsal. Hmm. It was stressful to have to cram an hour before.

The script describes our French ancestors - "These immigrants are all of the lowest order. I had to go around the pubs and taverns of Rochefort..... men and women reluctantly agree to the adventure."

In fact the venture was scarcely advertised because the French were scared of tipping off the British to the departure of the boat of colonists. The emigrants knew life was hard in post-Napoleonic France - crops failing due to phylloxera, high infant mortality and so they bravely sought to better themselves in a country none of them understood. The settlement was a hard-sell because information had to be kept secret and no-one knew anything about the bottom end of the planet. 

During the Landings play on the beach on the Saturday of FrenchFest there were instances of actors used in place of settler descendants where the real descendant got just one word to say "just" and that person even lives in Akaroa. Do we feel sidelined? Hurt? Disrespected? Hell yes!

For the second time in a row I was obliged to wear a truly laughable costume. Despite sending my measurements to organisers the jacket didn't fit though I suppose it was an improvement on the blanket around my shoulders in 2019. I told the costume person that I was 'now known as the torn blanket wrapped around her head woman. What have you got for me this year?' Hey, a cut off strip of old cardigan, complete with half a pocket, to wrap around my head. I told her my ancestor would have had a bonnet. She disagreed and said they would have been too dirty and too poor to have had a bonnet. My daughter was obliged to wear an old fur coat turned inside out. It literally fell apart before her eyes but she was told that made it more authentic and the arrivals would have been very scruffy. She just makes it up on the fly. The whole thing is degrading but you can't argue against the force of personality of this woman and her husband, who has no respect for true history, respect for the characters and no talent at all in writing a script. 

I listened to the despairing comments of fellow descendants who knew more about the hijacking of Akaroa than I did, over the weekend. They are not heard. They have literally been shouted down. No wonder they no longer want to be involved in the re-enactment which is now a farce.

I would rather they called the event AkaroaFest, not FrenchFest as there is no respect for history and the French theme is mostly pseudo. The French character of Akaroa is dying under a thousand cuts. The Saturday evening cabaret cost $79 per person with no food included and I have read several negative comments on Facebook about the lack of Frenchness and the disorganisation. I couldn't afford to go. Such events are now priced out of many people's pockets.

I made an effort to attend the Brocante on the Sunday morning. This is a French tradition whereby old stuff, occasionally antiques, is put up for sale. I came away with a little piece of French history which seems authentic. An old plate illustrated with King Louis-Philippe. He was the last king of France and who signed the agreement to send my ancestors to establish a French colony in the South Island of NZ. 

Few people would have appreciated the significance of that plate (or it wouldn't have been up for sale for $20) particularly over FrenchFest weekend but it's safe with me. I was pleased to meet the French Ambassador but there was no time to chat.

In short, there is little that is French now about Akaroa except the cultural appropriation required for FrenchFest. The play on the beach is insulting and hurtful and just a huge ego trip for the two people organising it. If I ever travel to Akaroa to attend FrenchFest in future I shall wear a more authentic style costume but I will not take part in the farce on the beach.

I would like to thank Black Cat Cruises for giving some of the descendants who came to Akaroa for the weekend a free 30 min cruise around the harbour. Someone appreciated us.

Photos show: On the beach, on the beach wth my daughter Laura, on the beach with Gaetan acting as my husband, Laura and I making the most of the adventure, the recreation ground, Laura with Steve Lelievre (another descendant) after our cruise around the harbour, British flag flying at the Britomart monument at Green Point.

Danger of irresponsible amateurs

 For months I have been suffering significant consequences from a session with an egotistical masseuse. I bitterly regret ever having met the woman but I wasn't to know massage could end so badly at the hands of someone so full of themselves.

It started well enough with a voucher for a massage from a kind friend who also used this woman's services. I therefore started from a position of trust. All went well the first time though there was one odd part to the visit which I will relate because there is considerable misinformation on the 'benefits' out there.

It started with an ionic foot bath detox. That was new to me and with some past medical training I couldn't for the life of me work out how it could anatomically work. You put your feet in a basin of water that has electrodes in it connected to a machine that controls a current. Salt is added to the water and you wait 30 minutes for toxins to be eliminated through pores in your feet? During that time the water starts to change to a brown/yellow colour and then some scum appears with dark bits. Hmm... that's interesting. 

I was informed that each colour that appears means a particular toxin has been eliminated from my body ie heavy metals etc. There was a brochure beside me, I read it and asked how exactly it worked. "I have no idea. I don't really understand those things," she said. So she's doing stuff she doesn't understand to another human being. I wasn't convinced so did some internet research. In amongst all the well-being/spa bumph I found results of such equipment tests. Yep. Bullshit. The colour comes from the rust on the electrodes which degrade over time.

However, no harm done. The next couple of massages, though sometimes painful did no harm and may have done a small amount of good. Then she went away on a retreat to learn lomi lomi massage. When next I saw her she wasn't interested in doing the usual massage. She insisted on doing this new one."You might find this quite sensual", she said. Well no. She was digging her elbow into me while climbing onto my back. She performed a very 'pointed' deep massage on my intestines, following them around. She then decided to do a chest massage. "I won't be too hard", she assured me as it is obvious I have had open heart surgery. Well it was rather heavy and I was  so glad when she stopped.

Lying on my back I found my knees bent up and being rotated in extreme rotations while she leaned on them. It wasn't massage, it was more physiotherapy. I am not young and was desperately hoping nothing would go wrong. At the time I thought I had gotten away with it but there was nothing healthy or sensual about any of it. I told her I found the massage painful and not at all sensual.

Two hours later the consequences started to arrive. The leger lists those, some have been suffered for 5 months and cost both me and taxpayers a lot of money.

• Significant bowel infection/diverticulitis
• Chronic sternal pain from open heart surgery wires where previously there had been no pain
• Increased back pain
• No improvement with shoulder pain
  
• Hip problems whereas I had never had so much as a twinge from them -Diminutive anterosuperior labrum with tearing extending into fraying of the superior labrum with adjacent synovitis.
• Possible mild hip tendinosis straight head rectus femoris.
• mild hip trochanteric bursal oedema/ bursitis
• Likely chronic hip ischiofemoral impingement

 I expect to have to have hip steroid infiltrations in future.

This person has no official massage qualifications nor has she physiotherapy qualifications to my knowledge. She is, I believe, not registered with any professional organisation but has run a successful business doing massage and also yoga classes etc On the surface it all looks good. Good until things go badly wrong and you notice trendy bullshit scams in evidence. She has no medical knowledge at all and seems not to understand consequences for doing certain things because she sees the skin and not the problems that may exist underneath.

I sent her an email to let her know what had happened and asked her to go back to previous forms of massage. She wrote back and said she had cancelled all my future appoinments and not to come back. No real remorse at all. She washed her hands of me. This made me feel worse.

Both my GP and the initial physiotherapist asked me if I would like to lodge an official complaint. To Whom? I asked, there is no governing body for the unregistered. This has cost me a lot of money and nearly 5 months of multiple sources of pain. I nearly ended up in A & E.

ACC does not pay GP costs, nor all imaging costs nor all physiotherapy costs. It does pay a fair bit of specialist costs, thank goodness. I am still in a lot of pain with ongoing treatment. I may also need to get the stainless steel wires around my sternum removed to eliminate pain I hadn't had from them previously.

It is worth noting that I was having regular massages in Auckland between 2000 and 2010. I never had any problems. In fact massages worked really well in tandem with the professional belly-dancing I was doing much of that time.  This amateur masseuse had gone on a retreat to learn lomi lomi massage supposedly originating from Hawaii but in my opinion what she was doing was not reasonable massage.

She had never asked me to fill out a questionnaire on past and current health issues, as a professional would. Just looking at someone's body exterior is not a responsible healthcare strategy.

FYI:  Hawaiian, 'lomi lomi' translates to 'rub rub' - and this is exactly what a lomi lomi massage involves. Using long, deep strokes, the massage therapist will use their hands and forearms to relax your muscles and promote blood circulation throughout your body.Overall, Lomi Lomi Hawaiian massage is more passive and relaxed than Thai massage and more general than Reiki; it involves calming smooth therapeutic touching with gentle pressure.

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/foot-detox