Echoes

My home is starting to empty and I try not to notice that too much. There's a big blank space where my piano, stool and art print used to be. Now they have a new home with some good friends - I'm grateful for that. Drawers are also emptying, pictures leave the walls. Saturday of next weekend the packers will arrive to pack and send away the few belongings I really need to take with me to Cafeolait.

It's the first day in a great many years that I have had no pets to feed or say 'hi' to. The last of my lovely goldfish are now living with neighbours. There's still a lot that must go-that's the tiresome part. A few bits and bobs will be put away for Laura, Trade Me and garage sales will need to take care of the rest. Anything left will go in the wheelie bin.

I'm burning those bridges behind me. I don't intend to return to NZ to live. I want a different life containing more people, friends, fresh experiences and the hope of some comfort later in life. To live life more on my terms. To live with an open heart. To be where there are more opportunities professionally and personally.

Despite having some good times in NZ and meeting some wonderful people I can honestly say most of it has been rather dark, painful, lonely and always a struggle. Lots of hurt, tragedies and feeling my efforts and determination amounted to nothing. Going to France changed that for me. When I was there earlier this year I celebrated in my mind that I had actually achieved an important goal - just being there. Sure, it wasn't easy but I'm glad I persisted over the years. Now my medium term goal can be realised and I'll be working hard on my long-term ones.

Tomorrow is an important day. I'm flying to Wellington for my interview with the French Embassy to obtain my working and residents visa. I have all my documentation but am waiting for the French government to send the OK to Wellington. Apparently they are going to take my biometric data - now that's personal.